HiSmithReview

Hismith is a big name in kind of a covert way. While you may not immediately recognize the brand’s logo or the sound it makes when it rolls off your tongue, there’s a damn good chance you’ve beaten off to dirty movies featuring their products. Those videos are hot as hell, but why leave the fun on the other end of the internet? You can go to the source, get your own goodies, and get yourself off at home in ways you’ve only witnessed on the small screen and the even smaller one.

So, what the hell is your old pal The Porn Dude talking about? Hismith.co.uk is a purveyor of high-quality, high-powered sex machines and other adult toys. These guys have been around since 2005, firmly establishing themselves at the top of the automated humping device game, and get a good 50,000 visitors a month. With a product like this, I’m genuinely curious how many are just window shopping, and how many really want to get plowed by a robot.

Some of you stateside perverts may have noticed the UK part of the domain name and wondered if you might get faster service from an American brand. Not to worry, my dudes, as Hismith has stock stashed worldwide and offers free shipping. That includes warehouses in the US, the UK and the EU, so you can expect your fancy new gear in a week or so. It ain’t Amazon Prime, but when’s the last time your wife got banged by something Bezos was hawking?

Get On Up with Hismith

Sex machines ain’t the only thing you can buy at Hismith.co.uk, but they’re clearly the company’s bread and butter. The first thing you’ll see when you load up their sleek-ass website is a video showing off some of the machinery. You’ve almost certainly seen some of these things if you’re a fan of what they can do. The cold, hard metal looks imposing, but that’s part of the appeal.

Some of these units can get pricey, as you might imagine. That’s just the economics of specialty items of any kind. You can expect to pay a couple grand for one of their higher-end models, which ain’t exactly perfect for everybody’s budget. Professionals, the generally rich and hardcore enthusiasts may feel differently, but you might want to consult the wifey before pulling the trigger on the priciest auto-fucker.

The good news is that Hismith.co.uk carries automated fucking machines starting at under a hundred bucks. That’s honestly a lot less than what I expected, especially with free shipping. Even the lower-end units are powerful, too: are you up for 450 RPM motor speeds and 180 strokes per minute? That’s entry level, my horny friends!

The unit I’m referencing is called the Auxfun Basic Automated Thrusting Sex Machine. It starts at $94, or there’s an app-controlled version for $124. For around $150, they offer a few sizable bundles with the Auxfun and a couple big handfuls of dildos. Are you looking for an anniversary gift? If not, maybe you can just start an OnlyFans or become a webcam model…

They’ve got a whole aisle of Affordable Sex Machines that won’t break the bank. They’re mostly variations on the same basic thrusting designs, and they’ve also got a couple high-tech masturbation cups if you’re looking for something to stick your dick into.

Stay on the Scene with a Premium Sex Machine

If you’ve got the scratch to pull it off, Hismith’s Premium Sex Machines are the real stars of their show. That said, if you use them in a cam performance, they might help make you a star. The Premium machines are bigger, more stable and more powerful, and honestly? Pricing really ain’t so bad when you see everything you’re getting.

At the lowest end of their Premium selections is the Hismith Table Top 2 48W, with a more powerful 100W version available for about $90 more. It’s app-controlled for long-distance loving, programmable and offers multiple control methods. The bright color options give it a festive vibe, like getting boned by a robot in a cartoon, but there’s also a black finish if you’d prefer something a little more understated. In this case, BBC stands for Black Barging Contraption.

Personally, when I think of fuck machines, I’m thinking of gadgets that look like the Hismith Servok, their ultra-premium $2000 model. The high price means it ain’t going to be the right unit for most consumers, but I do recommend watching the video on the product. It’s the most in-depth of any of the product videos I found on the Hismith website, and a lot of the demonstrated abilities can be found among the more affordable units.

While the Servok is the best of the best, that same style of machine can be had for about $500. They’ve got consistent features across the line, but it’s worth considering the wide assortment of attachments included with each of the different bundles. It's probably cheaper to splurge on a nice package now than grab up various fake dingdong attachments later.

Then again, who doesn’t love an upgrade? Hismith.co.uk has a wide selection of attachments to get mechanically fucked with. Prices are a little higher than typical dildos, but I don’t feel like they gouge their customers with overpriced proprietary bullshit. Basic but realistic cocks start at around $35, and even pricier options like fists and dragon dicks are still well under a hundo.

Most of the attachments are designed for penetrating orifices, which you probably expected based on that high-powered thrusting technology. They do have a handful of Fleshlight-style attachments for dudes, though. They’re a little cheaper than the name brand, and they’ve even got a vibrating one for a buck under $90. Honestly, those prices are solid for male masturbators, even if you ain’t planning on hooking it up to a big ol’ machine. There’s no shame in rubbing one out manually!

Who Here Dreams of Getting Fucked by a Machine?

I made my way to the Hismith.co.uk Deals page, wondering what might be a good investment for PornDudeCasting. I’m usually the one pumping the ladies full of cock on the casting couch, but who knows? A mechanical costar might be a neat gimmick for a cartoon-headed porn mascot.

As I type this up, they’ve got a number of premium sex machine bundles available for about $800 each, in different colors with different sets of dildos. They’re app powered, powerful, and have that heavy metal fuck-machine look I love.

It seems like customers are happy, too. There are review sections beneath every product listing, just like you should expect out of any legit ecommerce site. I do recommend carrying some healthy skepticism with you when it comes to any online reviews, but the ones I read at Hismith passed my sniff test. The company’s reputation around the world and across the internet tells me they ain’t bullshitting their customers.

If you do end up buying one of their sex machines, make sure to sign up for their newsletter for a discount code. It’s only 5%, which wouldn’t be a big deal on a cheapo fap sleeve, but that can save you a pretty penny when we’re talking about the household implement that’s going to ruin your marriage. (Just kidding! This might be exactly what you need to rekindle the old flame.)

Search any free tube for sex machines and you’re likely to find something you can buy at Hismith.co.uk. Over the last couple decades, they’ve established themselves as one of the leading purveyors of powerful pumping thrusters. Whether you use them for your pornographic endeavors or more personal encounters, you’ve got a wide range of options and a lower point of entry than I would have expected for such a niche device. Who wants to get humped by a machine?